HOOK: E-zine By, For, and About Men in the Sex Industry

There are many reasons I got into this business, some that I might not even be aware of. The basic reason came down to money. I had a leased car, had to pay a lot of money in mileage, and I had only a couple of months to do so. I also wanted to be able to, at the same time get a new car, and did not want to go to my parents and ask them to do it. Doing some modeling and acting here and there, I had been asked about doing porn or nude pics. I knew someone who ran an agency for escorts, so I got up the guts, got all set up to do it and went on my first call. The guy was really nice, but when I left, I felt so bad for him—as if I had totally fed into his belief: that he has to pay for this, that he’s not good enough to get it, and swore that I’d never go on another call.

Well three years later, I’m now working on my first solo video, have my own website, and haven't quit. Although I really don’t have time to go on lots of calls anymore, and do it just enough to have fun with. I have met so many great people, and have weeded out tons of not so great people. I do think that the money is addictive, and people say, “Oh that easy money will get you every time.” It is easy to walk into a hotel, have sex with someone, and take your money. What's not easy is having that person call you back again, and then paying the price tag that comes with the business.

But some great things have come out of this, and I wouldn't ever trade it for anything. I don’t look back with regret, but forward with more knowledge about myself. Escorting taught me that when it comes down to it, you are the only person that really truly knows yourself, and you’re the only person you can truly count on. I learned to be my own best friend, and who my friends really were. I also finally felt what it was like to be discriminated against. I never had problems with being gay, but being an escort, people throw you into a category and don’t want to know you. Most who actually get past that realize how normal—and to be honest—somewhat boring of person I am. But getting someone past the stigma of what one does is another story.

All my life I wanted to entertain. Whether I would be a singer, actor, dancer, or even a damn talk show host, I didn't know. But I knew I wanted to entertain and to be admired—what gay guy doesn’t? But now doing this, and my income being dependent on a form of that [entertainment], and having those things [admiration] to whatever degree escorting and the adult entertainment brings, I have realized that while it is great to have lots of strangers praise you (get emails everyday that say how great you are), in the end it really doesn't matter. Someone else fills your spot and their [a stranger’s] interest at some point in time.

It is so true that you can be in a room full of people and be more alone than if you were all by yourself. I really don’t plan on escorting for much longer, and don’t think I’ll have the free time to. I would like to move more behind the scenes in the adult entertainment world, as well as try and help people who are in the business, who are a bit lost, or stuck. I can’t imagine having to do this: to put food on the table or get my fix for that night. That would be a very tough place to be in. I hope those that are there, love themselves enough to help themselves, and maybe I can be a part of that in some fashion.