HOOK: E-zine By, For, and About Men in the Sex Industry

A: Planes, trains, terrace cafes, and car-washes…..hotel bars, seminars, and the park while walking a pet. Anyplace where people get to loiter and mingle while killing time or waiting for something to happen with nothing much to do.

You might also venture into a hair salon frequented by both sexes and telling the lady trimming your hair what you do for a living. She’s bound to tell that to half the lady clients there…and if you become a regular, within a couple months you’ll be getting introductions.

Normal discotheques are not really great places to go hunting. Neither is the beach, per se, unless you’ve made friends with the local bartenders or the resort staff [through heavy tipping].

You might check the local papers and see which trade delegations are visiting...especially womens’ clubs. Then have lunch, if possible, at those locations, or nearby, and hope for a stray glance your way.

Health clubs are not a bad option…but again, forget the hard sell or the ‘stalking’ behavior. Just remember that you are a professional man of leisure and easy does it. If a lady expresses interest in who you are and what you do, tell her like you’re telling her a secret but do not pitch her...just suggest you go somewhere else and relax or have a more intimate chat. If she accepts your invitation to have a coffee or go get a bite to eat, etc, chances are she’s sizing you up to see if you’re genuine or just fronting. So be cool. Let her make the first move.

Lastly, I found a few lovely clients in lingerie stores. It is unusual for women to see an unaccompanied man in a specifically womens’ environment like that, but after making eye-contact and handing them a business card, discreetly, I was delightfully surprised. On the other hand, I was also asked not to come back in one of the stores because of my soliciting in that way…so. It’s a risk you will run anywhere you go…and that is another reason both gigolos and their possible clients are turning more and more to the web to make contact.

Q: How can a gigolo get a woman's attention? (How does one solicit a client?)

A: You mean besides giving out business cards which refer prospective ‘dates’ to his own URL via gigolo.com? Well, now…let us count the ways.

I used to have business cards that gave my name and number under the title ‘Your Pleasure is my Business’ Sometimes it worked. It certainly gave us something to talk about! The old standby of lounging in respectable hotel bars and buying an unaccompanied lady a drink is still an option.

Generally speaking, it is unwise to buy that drink unless there has been a brief exchange of glances and a smile or a nod in your direction has been offered. Then see what the lady is having or ask the bartender to put her drink on your bill. Once your drink has been accepted you may invite her to join you at your table or invite yourself to sit at hers. In a matter of a minute or two, the subject of where you are from and what you do with your time and to make your daily bread is bound to come up.

At this point I would usually be very direct and tell the lady what I did…and so should you. Just say, “I’m an escort, but I’m not working tonight. In fact I just came here to relax, but then I saw you come in and…here we are.” She either will believe you or she won’t…and either way it doesn’t matter. There have been times when the lady excused herself but…as fate would have it, next day she’d see me again and strike up a conversation with me on her own. If she did it was a strong indication that I had peaked her interest and I just had to bide my time and let her get around to the subject…like how much I usually asked for escorting my clients…or what would a lady normally pay for such a service.

And here’s something else to think about: Sometimes, instead of winding up with the lady I started out having a conversation with, she’d introduce me to her friend. Seems every lady knows another lonely lady...sister, colleague, room-mate or friend that could use a night out on the town [or in the bedroom] with someone who can let her feel safe and where there will be no strings or morning-after complications. So, be confident and be patient…and let life work itself out in your favor.

Now, there are those who place ads in the personals/classifieds in the local adult newspapers or swinger magazines. And I know some gents who have landed a client in this way. But as a rule, I think women would prefer to see the eyes of their candidate escorts before saying ‘Yes’ or booking their services. That, in fact, was why gigolo.com was created, to let them do just that…and to give dedicated gigolos international exposure to prospective clients.

The main point in all of this is ‘eye contact.’ We as men have been trained that to stare at a ladyand it is a sign of disrespect yet we often turn our eyes away from the ones who attract our notice. But there is a way of meeting the eye and smiling that can not be taken as anything but interest and flattery [not lewd, lip-smacking lust] and I recommend you try practicing that in a mirror. Or you might rent “9 and ½ Weeks” from the video store and see how Mickey Rourke does it to Kim Bassinger. Once she decides you have nice eyes, the rest is up to you.

Q: How does one satisfy a woman?

A: Think about what kind of treatment and attention to your sexual needs and wishes you’d expect from a thousand dollar a night hooker. Think of the way you’d want her to treat your genitals, and your ego….

You’d want her to help you get nice and relaxed and comfortable, right?

You’d want her to be inventive in the ways she arouses you…caresses you, licks you and nibbles on your sensitive places. You’d want her to encourage you to be honest with your fantasies…your sexual wish-list…and you’d want her to approve of them and say she understood…and that it turned her on to hear you speak like that. You’d like her to tell you what a fine, sexy thing you are..and that being with you turned her on…made her feel lucky that she was the one who got to share you in this way, touch you in this way.

You’d want her to take her time with all she did so that you were almost at a fever pitch before the real love-making started…and you’d want her to use her tongue, and fingers in such masterful ways that you would almost beg her to stop...and beg even louder if she did stop! You’d want her to make you surrender and rocket you to the stars…and not let go herself until she was sure you had reached the absolute height of your sexual peak experience. Am I right? And when you were finished you’d want her to tell you that you were a great lover…up there with the best. Wouldn’t you just love to hear that?

Of course you would. We all would. That would be worth a thousand dollars, don’t you agree?

Now, then…all you have to do is remember that you’re the hooker and act the same way she would.

Q: What are women looking for?

A: Now that is a really good question! Here’s a short list of possibilities: Adventure, a Change, Excitement, Lost Youth, The Stranger who is Perfect, Romance, Guilt-free Sex, An arm to lean on and a hand to hold, Sincerity, Understanding, and a really, REALLY good screw.

I would think another question is ‘Why are women looking for gigolos?” and that has a lot to do with what other men do wrong [or stop doing right] in their relations with women.

It is almost universally accepted that gigolos are good at making women glad to be and feel like women. That gigolos understand women and have experience with contacting their own ‘feminine side’ in ways that help them appreciate and validate the role of women in our culture.

Just a side-note if I may…I was recently in the offices of a Los Angeles-based modeling agency and was told [by a man who didn’t know anything about my history or notoriety in Europe] that I would have to cut my hair if I wanted to model. He told me only hippies and gigolos wore their hair in my style [shoulder-length].

So I asked him why he thought it was that, indeed, a great many gigolos have longish hair? He couldn’t say, but it was a look that he wasn’t into, nor were his clients. Then he showed me a picture of the ‘prettiest’ man I think I have ever seen and said, ‘This is what the women want.’ Then his secretary said ..[and I’m not joking..] ‘Until they find out he’s gay.’

Now, I’m sure many gays have long hair and I’m sure many are not half as pretty as the guy in that photo…that’s not my point. And I have nothing against the lifestyle, either. [Yes, I even have gay friends…]

My point is that most gigolos have longish hair because to women it represents the untamed man, the ‘outlaw’, the rebel…the non-conformist…the artist and the pirate and the hopeless romantic. I see that a great many gigolos in Asia and Japan have taken to wearing their hair in ponytails…and so do Brazilians and Italians….

It is a pronounced trend…and not even a new one…so in that way the agent got it right.

It is also a throwback to the way we men wore our hair for thousands, if not millions of years before we all decided that we were tired of being natural and wanted to be civilized…and therefore it tickles the racial or genetic memory of the females.

I say all that in the hopes it gives you not only the answer to what women are looking for and why they are looking…but also why so many men, [including you!] are wishing to become gigolos.

Women are looking to us to help make them feel great about being women. They want us to give them the ultimate human experience…which sometimes includes but is not restricted to just a really, REALLY good screw. And they want respect.

It is their right to expect that and it is right to give it to them. So please do.

Q: What kind of clothes to wear?

A: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” “Clothes make the man.” Ever heard those? There is a bit of truth in them. In the right costume one can feel like James Bond and find himself acting like one classy guy. But remember, it’s not just what you wear, it’s the way you wear it…[so make sure the clothes not only fit you but that you fit the clothes.]

You know, we had a rule in the Army that stated a soldier should always be suitably dressed for the activity in which he was engaged. It’s a good rule for gigolos, too.

If you have sounded out your client on the phone [or read her e-mail] properly, you should already have an idea of the activities she would like to enjoy...and places she would like to go. This is your guide to dressing for the occasion. Dress for success, not to excess…nothing too loud or bold that will draw everyone’s attention to you. There are two reasons for this…the first being that she may prefer to be discreet on this date and will not welcome the curious looks directed your way…the second being that it is the lady’s place to shine.

I normally wore dark casual slacks [not too tight, with a bit of ‘leg room’], a single color or dark striped shirt, and a jacket unless I knew the occasion was to be more formal [dark suit, white shirt & wine-red tie] or kinky…[leather jock-strap, heavy hiker boots and black knee-length kilt under a trendy ankle-length black raincoat…]

As you may gather from the paragraph above, I also paid attention to underwear and you should, too. Nothing ruins the moment quicker than taking down your oh-so-chic and elegant dress-pants only to reveal your clown-faced or polka dotted boxers. Better to wear no underwear than the wrong underwear [and sometimes more convenient..]

If you’re on a ‘blind-date.' remember this: it is easier when you are dressed up to dress down than it is when you are dressed down to dress up. I mean, you can arrive in a tuxedo and then take off your coat, strip off your bow-tie, and unbutton your collar and, voila! Casual. Once you’ve decided on jeans and a t-shirt, however you’ve banned yourself from all but a few of the hot dance clubs and fancy night-spots. Which reminds me…never, never wear sneakers or Nike’s or Reeboks, etc. on a date unless your are going to play squash or racketball or go sailing. Make that a rule, ok?

Of course, if you’re at a holiday resort like on a beach or an island, it’s ok to go ‘native’. Once you’ve got a serious tan, than can help pull it off.

You might try checking out a copy of GQ, Homme, or Esquire magazines for fashion tips…or just search the malls for the window displays in mens’ shops that most suit your profile.

If you have a girlfriend or female relative whose sense of style you trust, take her shopping with you to give advice in these things. You will find that most women miss the days of dressing up their dolls. Asking them along to help you play dress-up will probably delight them, especially if you tell them you want to impress a lady or ‘the ladies.’ They are usually only too glad to help.

Q: What can someone do to become a good gigolo?

A: One can set himself the task of learning a little bit about life and lot about women...or learning a lot about life and a little bit about women.

Either way, he should dedicate himself to taking a year to travel. Learning a second [or a third!] language is a plus…and a must if he’s working in Europe, or wants to…and while en route, he should try reading a few issues of Cosmo, Vanity Fair, & Harper’s Bazaar [or his local/national equivalent magazines]. He might also pick up any book by Nancy Friday, Erica Jong, or Camille Paglia and start reading.

If he’s based in or planning on ‘working it’ in America, I’d also suggest he spend a few hours watching Lifetime, TLC and Oxygen TV so he can see women as they see themselves…or would like to.

I am not asking that he do the impossible and attempt to understand women…but he should do his best to understand why his married or divorced clients would even consider hiring a man to go on a date and pay to have sex with him.

He should ask himself, ‘Why me?’ Imagine what kind of man they would be looking for…[and I will tell you it is rarely a Rambo …or a Fabio, for that matter]. He doesn’t have to look like Tom Cruise or drive a Jaguar to be attractive to his clients. But he shouldn’t be fat and bald, with bad teeth and dressed in polyester.

So, I suppose the best tip is to get in shape, do exercise, develop good grooming habits, take dance lessons, and learn to dress well for every occasion. Women like muscle TONE more than muscles that bulge…[with the only exception being the one between your legs]. They also like a well-dressed man. [Remember to shine your shoes!]

They prefer not to be on a date with someone who cannot hold his liquor or is hell-bent on getting high on a date…so he should examine his habits…[ I’d also skip cigars after dinner unless she has a ‘Monica’ fixation and wants him to pretend he’s Bill Clinton…]

And finally, [but not least] he would be well advised to take the time to learn a bit about ‘Tantric, ' ‘Taoist,’ or Sacred Sex practices; breath control and orgasm delay and control [his own!] being two main points to direct one’s attention to….as well as how to arouse and direct the sexual energy of women, utilizing massage techniques, and clitoral stimulation.

And, oh yes!, locating and discovering the wonders of the G-spot. There are many online guides to this subject but I can’t think of a better site than my lady’s to start with.

Q: What does Shai consider a "good" gigolo?

A: I think a “good” gigolo is one who is more concerned with the pleasure of his client than his dick. I think a good gigolo takes his client’s agenda as being the prime agenda and by that, I mean he should bend his ear to listen to her wishes, desires, and preferences before initiating ‘dating’ activities or ‘mating’ activities.

This is not to say he should be or feel subservient or submissive [unless she is paying extra or that was the pre-arranged contract]…but rather that he should be flexible and gracious.

He should be attentive…not only to her spoken words but the unspoken ‘body’ language she is engaged in. Sometimes there will be a conflict between what she says and what her body is saying. When in doubt, go with the body…but gently, gently...'charm and disarm' is a good motto to follow while guiding her to the place she wants to go.

Complimenting the lady is a far better tactic than fishing for compliments yourself…or preening, or boasting. The idea is to make her feel like the special one…not convince her that you are.

A good gigolo presents himself well, speaks in a clear and confident, or confidential, tone and conducts himself as a gentleman [until and unless asked to behave otherwise...which mostly happens in bed, by the way].

A good gigolo stands when his ‘lady’ comes to the table, and again when she excuses herself to leave it. He opens all the doors [hotel, restaurant, and car] for her. He carries himself with respect and dignity. He has clean fingernails that are manicured or close trimmed. He spends the majority of his time looking at her eyes and not her other features…unless asked to appraise them.

A good gigolo rarely uses 'dirty words' in conversation or course language in general [until and unless asked….which mostly happens in bed.

A good gigolo is well read and can discuss a variety of subjects other than sports - like good books, good movies, travel, trends, and food.

Speaking of food, he should refine his culinary tastes and be familiar with the world’s cuisine and good eateries in his city. Also he should know a bit about wine and how to order from a wine list.

He should refrain from giving a set opinion on personal, religious, or political subjects, if possible. Far better to say, “Yes, I’ve heard that” or “ I can understand that” than to disagree with her views, even AND ESPECIALLY if they conflict with his own.

A good gigolo is a good dancer. Chances are his client doesn’t get taken out on the floor enough or she wouldn’t be calling him. He is wise to remember that.

And a good gigolo looks at all his clients through eyes that see them as they must have been at 16, not as they are now at 30-something or 40-something. Remember, there is a teenager inside every mature woman and a good gigolo knows how to awaken that youthful spirit in her. That’s what he is getting paid for.

A good gigolo is prompt when arriving, but after that is never in a hurry [until and unless he is asked…which happens in bed sometimes…and even then I wouldn’t hurry up too much. Making a client 'beg for it' in bed was one of my specialties and I was often told how exciting that was for them. So, yes, a good gigolo also knows when not to listen, but that comes with practice.]

A 'good' gigolo sees himself as being an outstanding representative of the best in men in both character and sexual skill. He conducts himself in a way that brings credit to himself and pleasure to his clients. It is a noble profession and the rewards go beyond money for honorable
service.