Negotiating a Scene

By Jim Demetrios, NYC

After you meet your prospective partner for the hour, evening, or entire night, get to know him to some degree, you then come to a point where creating and negotiating is of the utmost importance. In the old days. God how I hate saying that! it was more a sense of creating since there was no HIV and the worst sexually transmitted disease was taken care of with a dose of penicillin. I wanted to make good money and fast 'cause I need it for tuition. I pretty much negotiated by simply telling my clients that I would do anything with them EXCEPT, then I’d name my list of practices that were a no no, which took less than five minutes, and, then we’d quickly move on to the matter at hand.

I found in my own travels that if you got into a situation where you belabored the point of what you wouldn’t do, it really would ruin the entire mood and you’d end up losing that client and the money. I found that if I went through an “I wont do this” list, in a firm but consistent manner, I would discover whether or not my client would agree to it. Remember, you are in charge. The client may be paying you but it is you who are using your body to get him off. Decide how far you are willing to go and how hot <or not> you may be for him, and then stick by what you have decided. Respect your limits and yourself. However — and this is VERY important — if you have done your initial job well of seducing your client into believing that the time you are with him will be hot, intense and passionate, chances are that he wont give a flying fuck whether you do everything he wants. By that point he will be so turned on and want to get at you, that it really won’t matter. Never, ever forget the power you have in seduction. I will devote an entire article, which will be my next one, to that topic.

In this day of HIV, hepatitis A, B and C, herpes and all the other STD’s, it is important to negotiate. This applies to all of you regardless of your HIV status. If you are negative, you want to remain so and if you are positive you do not want to go infect yourself with a different strain of HIV, which can render all the medications on the market useless, since there is a new strain of drug resistant HIV. People are still dying of AIDS. It is far from over. IF you do indeed intend barebacking, get yourself informed. It is also very important for you to size up your client and determine that he wasn’t let out of the local psychiatric ward or escaped from one. Use your instincts in negotiating with your client. Listen to what he is saying to you and get a feel of what it is he would like. Is he oral, anal, into leather? Listen, talk dirty to him in things he has told you he enjoys and see how he responds. You will be more capable of negotiating how far things will go, and how much more to charge if he really wants this or that, and how important it is for you to go beyond what you want to by asking for an extra hundred bucks because this is not something you normally do.

If you find that the client is really into you, you will then be in a better position to charge more and get the most out of it for him and yourself.

Another way to negotiate is what I have always called the “keep it hot” method, which differs greatly from what I spoke of in the first four paragraphs. There will be times when you use the “I wont do this” list. There will also be times when you use the keep it hot method because you are into the client or have the hots for him or are just plain horny yourself. In this way, you are already getting sexual with the clien: grabbing his dick, hugging or kissing him while you passionately tell him where your limits are. Much of either method depends on the specific situation, where you are, who he is and how you feel. In my experience, I have used both but prefer the keep it hot method. I found that I made more money and the client subsequently came back. If I had the hots for the guy, I pulled out all the stops to get him back. I figured it was a great way to get laid with a guy I was horny for and got paid for it!

Creating a scene can be a lot of work or fun, depending on how you go about it. If you are not into the guy it's definitely work, unless he has a lot of spending money, in which case it becomes fun because you know what you’ll be getting out of it when its over! I found the best to be when you were into the guy, then no matter what you did, it always seemed to end too quickly, no matter how hard I tried to keep him from climaxing.

There will be clients that no matter what, nothing will make it fun. You just want to get them off and out, and that’s ok. You don’t have to like everyone you work with or for in any profession. It’s no different in this industry. We are individuals with like and dislikes and there will be times where you just don’t like this guy but he pays well so you grin and bear it.

In creating a scene, it is very important to take your cues from your client. Determine what it is he is into then fly with it, embellish, and run. In this situation, he is in charge. He is paying for a service, which you provide, and most times the client wants his imagination to run wild, his fantasies come to life, his inhibitions to run free, and you are the provider for this. The more you provide the more you money you charge and earn. IT is here where creation and negotiation come together. He, as client and employer, tells you what his desires are and you, as employee and service provider, set forth your limits and pricing.

Since each situation is specific and uniquely different. I cannot tell each one of you what should, would or could happen and what to do or not to do. Some suggestions to this are to incorporate a few different things into creating the scene, and it’s a good idea to suggest and maybe add a few of your own likes into the scene if the client likes what he hears. There is no black and white to this industry and everyone has his/her own ideas of the way it is should be or could be. So much of our work is instinctual and perceptual since each client is different and even with the same client, if you are to see him more than once; his needs are different each time he comes to see you to get off.

Many times the way you create and handle the scene to get the guy off determines if he returns and becomes a steady customer. This is preferred for some since you have knowledge of the client and what he wants, and even in these situations, a bond forms for you gain a working understanding of how his body works, what presses his buttons and how well he pays.

The guidelines I speak of here transcend all types of sex: from vanilla to kink, leather to S&M. You can use the negotiating and creating styles described here. They are the same; just the manner of the sex changes and varies. However, isn’t it the way sex should be anyhow? Enjoy and be safe.

Jim Demitrios was in the sex industry in NYC back in the early to mid 70’s. "I was a street hustler in Greenwich Village and my corner of choice was West 10th Street and Washington. At the time I began I was 17 years old and continued on to put myself through college until I hit 20 or so, when I met a leatherman who became my SIR/Daddy for the next 10 years. By that point I had saved enough money to enter and pay for graduate school and get a professional degree in psychology."