HOOK: E-zine By, For, and About Men in the Sex Industry

Getting involved with somebody can be hard enough but what about when you're a pro, it can sometimes add another twist to this whole dating thing. I have seen lots of guys work it out with their partners but it's not always the easiest thing. The first problem is telling your potential lover what you do for work. Personally, I would tell most guys right away. Its easier and then you don't have to wait for somebody who knows them to whisper it in their ear when you aren't around. However this may put people off when you tell them, my opinion is if they can't accept it they weren't right for me. I have known guys to lie to their mates for a long time but this isn't a good foundation for a relationship. So if you are planning on more than a weekend fling, tell the truth. Most guys who date other guys have had some experience with somebody in the sex trade. Here in Los Angeles, you can't through a dead cat without hitting a porn star/model/escort/rent boy combination so it's somewhat easier. If you are dating someone with some innocence left put yourself in their shoes and be respectful to them.

A strong set of rules should be set with the person you are dating. Set up rules to keep each other safe from sexually transmitted diseases. Tell your partner what services you offer and talk to them about the risk. If you are offering oral sex without condoms you may very well bring home a dose of the clap. This is a reality and talking it over before it happens is much easier than when your mate is pissing razor blades and staining his shorts. If you are in the sex trade I would also suggest having a sexworker friendly doctor who will also medicate your partner if s/he has been exposed to an STD. Please also realize condoms don't protect you from STDs spread from skin to skin contact. If your knowledge of STDs is limited, contact HOOK or AIM and we will get you some good information. Your partner may be more comfortable knowing what you offer without getting a blow by blow account of your tricks for the day. They may even insist on it. When telling him make sure he is comfortable with what he is hearing. If he becomes upset or angry, give each other some space to cool down. There is no point in heated arguments. Also be sure to tell them things that are only allowed for them. It can be hard for a non-pro to realize that this is a services-for-cash exchange and not what we are doing with them. Be sure to have some quiet times when the pager is off and nobody can interrupt you both. But also help your partner understand that when you are paged you may have to go to work. Set up some rules as to when this is ok. During a TV show, it is ok to leave. D uring your anniversary dinner, it is not! Also set up some time to spend alone just so you can get a break from everything. Personally, I find reading and biking gives me some time to myself. For you, it may be something else. Also, remember that getting loaded to forget about your workday is a great way to wreck yourself.

If you are a guy who tricks with guys for money but dates girls, you may have a lot of work ahead of you. Luckily in this day of extremes, having a guy or girl who switches teams is cool.

However, this may also be hard on the relationship outside of the realm of cool. What does a girl tell her parents when she is dating a gay-for-pay guy? I would encourage creativity in this one; sometimes the whole truth isn't the best thing. Once again have boundaries and keep your partner safe.

Another option that some guys find appealing is dating another pro. This can seem easier but it also makes for some other issues. I know some guys who do dates together only and some guys who will never have a client together. This is a boundary that you have to work out between yourselves. My boyfriend does videos and I ask that he not work with close friends of mine. He has boundaries about my clients and we worked them out. It wasn't easy but it is worth it for both of us. Dating another pro also increases the number of potential STDs. I would suggest having too many condoms, a sexworker friendly doctor and some RID on hand at all times. The most important thing is to always be honest and respect yourself and the person you are with.