HOOK: E-zine By, For, and About Men in the Sex Industry

If you’re already renting out space in your butt, then you know the merits of bottoming. You’re aware that bottoming has as much to do with attitude as it does with the old in and out. And, if you’re like me, you probably can’t understand why a guy wouldn’t want to be on the bottom – after all, it feels so good.

Still, there are people who prefer being, as the clinicians love to put it, the inserter. They might feel that sticking their tool inside someone gives them control over the other person. Or believe that good TOPS are harder to find in the world of escorts and can command more money.

Is that perception correct? Do TOPS have higher earning power? Do they – like blonds -- have more fun, and are they in control?

If you ask bottoms, the answer to that -- in no uncertain terms – is yes, no, maybe, definitely not, probably so, and could be. In other words, it all depends on whom you talk to.

When I’m out on a date, for instance (which means working), I make no distinction between the three preferences – or services -- I can offer (bodywork, top, or bottom). If someone wants to TOP or BOTTOM for me, my hourly rate is the same. That distinction, of course, is mostly because a client is paying me for the time we spend together – and nothing more. If intimacy and sex happens (because we turn each other on and find ourselves compatible) -- fine. Those new to the game may not realize, however, that not every client wants sex.

If sex does come up (and it usually does, of course), the client has been aptly briefed about what I offer. My website explicitly states that I’m known as a versatile bottom – and if I’m pressed to explain, I make it understood that I can, albeit reluctantly, “TOP”. There are no guarantees in this regard, though, and I make that plain as well.

“You Know What I Really Want?”

Personally, I dread the moment when a client says the words, “You know what I really want?” Invariably what they really want is to be screwed – and I’ve just never been that good at maintaining a hard-on at command. In fact, the pressure of that statement alone often causes my mind (and dick) to retreat into a corner. And you know what happens the instant a dick retreats into a corner. For me, it can be very hard (pun intended) to get the cock back on the road to riches.

So much, depends, for me, on excitation. When I’m inclined to point my wanker at your butt, chances are I can and will. Suffice it to say, though, that it’s generally not my bag. Other escorts and sex workers, however, actually make a living off of TOPPING – and many of them advertise this fact right in their ads. I applaud these guys and am, quite frankly, jealous as hell of them. The way I see it, a TOP can always be taught how to BOTTOM (relax, baby, relax). Try it the other way around, though, to train a BOTTOM to TOP. My guess is that you’d better have an inflatable dick nearby if you want guaranteed results.

(And if anyone thinks they can train me to be an excellent TOP, call me anytime, day or night. I’d be more than happy to work with you and I promise to dutifully do my homework.)

Are TOPS really in control?

Does the ability to impale someone with your hot tool give you some kind of physical, psychic, or sexual power over another person? Many of us BOTTOMS think not.

Giving power over to another human being can be an act of empowerment in and of itself. And in the wacky, working world of relationships and sex, the dance that is played out is usually the result of some kind of mutual agreement, whether verbally stated or left unsaid.

Though letting a client mount you, fuck your brains out, and then roll off you like a tired heap of flesh and bones, might seem to be demeaning or dis-empowering – it’s doesn't have to be. Remember, an escort (TOP or BOTTOM) pockets the same green bills in his pants pocket and has a similar gratified look on his face when it’s all over.

So You Wanna Be a Bottom?: Logistics, hygiene, etc.

Whether you call yourself a hustler, a prostitute, an escort, a surrogate, or any of a multitude of other possible descriptors, an important part of your job is determining what your client expects from you. This will help you to make an informed decision about whether the two of you are a good match. Some of the things you’ll want to find out is if he (or she) is looking for a young person, a more mature person, or someone in between. Does the potential client want a muscle boy, a daddy- or bear-type, or a longhaired artist type?

Many of these things are black and white in terms of their answer. You read their email or talk to them on the phone and decide if you match what they want. Most of them require a touch of honesty (and reality) on your part; and sometimes – perhaps – a suspension of disbelief on theirs. They want tall? You look in the mirror and see if you’re tall. They want a nice smile? Check the mirror. Clean-shaven? You shave. They want a hot, tight butt –

The first time I got fucked, I hated it. Here was this guy telling me that I was going to love what he was about to do to me, and ultimately it was discomforting, unpleasant, and gross. I was new at it (as in I’d never done it before), tense, and unclean. Yes, unclean; I’d taken a shower and doused myself with cologne – but somehow I’d not covered all bases. The result of all this was messy sheet, a bruised butt, blood afterwards, and a psyche that was scarred for months.

Then Mr. Right came along. Mr. Right was a guy I dated forever (my journals indicate it was actually about 30 days – but, hey, I was twenty years old and it seemed like forever).

Tommy was a concerned dude who wanted to get into my butt really bad; but he knew some tricks that he was willing to teach me. I, waif that I was, hungered for anything that would help me become a more receptive BOTTOM and lover.

Tommy started it all out by cooing in my ear and getting me hot and heavy. I think they still call that foreplay. It sounds really stupid to bring up foreplay to escorts who have meters that click away the minutes in an hour, but going slow was what helped me get used to fucking. Next Tommy raised my butt up off the bed by putting a pillow under my back. This gave him a better shot at my tight hole. And finally, after lathering me up with enough grease to lube the innards of a tank, he stuck it in me.

I won’t say I screamed at this point, but the cells around my anus were displeased for sure. Trying to be a good old lad, I merely groaned very loudly. Tommy, gazing into my bedroom brown eyes, said, “Take it easy, baby, I’m going to pull out now.” In retrospect, I know two things now.

Tommy had an impressive six-inch dick that was probably not much wider than a pencil; and
I don’t even think he was in me at that point; I believe now that he had merely … ummm, broached the subject.

However, this is what Tommy actually said to me next: “Mike, when fucking somebody new, there’s a secret to remember. Start to go in until he lets you know that it hurts. Then come out, wait about a minute, and try again.”

Tommy waited about a minute whereupon my butt, miraculously, had become a lot more receptive. It still hurt a little, of course, but the pain – coupled with the fact that I had a beautiful man ON TOP of me – took on a slightly delicious feel. A few days later, Tommy taught me another thing worth mentioning.

Sitting on someone’s cock gives you more leverage, a greater sense of being in control over what’s happening, and it allows you to really impale yourself on the staff when and if you’re ready.

Looking back at my experience with Tommy highlights the importance of patience and lube in anal sex. Butt fucking, though it can cause twinges of pain -- even when you’re totally relaxed, should in no way be uncomfortable. If it is hurting to the point where it’s uncomfortable, you should stop screwing immediately. Respect the limits of your butt and try again at a later time. Eventually you’ll probably learn that taking a dick up your butt can be extraordinarily wonderful.

What was going on there?

The opening of your butt-hole, or anus, has something called a sphincter muscle surrounding it. This muscle, frankly, is there to make sure the things that are supposed to stay inside of you stay there – mostly feces (aka shit) and that it moves on out when it should. (Incidentally, the sphincter muscles are some of the strongest muscles in the body -- you also have one in each eye controlling your pupils.) Sphincter muscles are partially voluntary muscles (which means that you can relax them if you want to) and partially reflexive (which means that they can respond to things like stimulation (the gentle flicking of a tongue, the push of a finger, the nudge of a friendly 12-inch man shaft).

Clinically, several things make getting fucked delightful. First, the rectum is lined with nerve endings that stimulate pleasure centers in the brain. Also, the sensation of a cock bumping up against and rubbing the prostate gland feels pretty darned good.

Jack Morin, author of Anal Pleasure and Health, says that relaxation is a crucial component of ass-fucking. “Maximum anal pleasure requires the elimination of all pain or physical trauma from the anal experience. Self-protection on the part of the passive partner involves being ready to say no until he or she is ready to proceed. Readiness is a combination of physical relaxation, usually helped along by plenty of leisurely anal touching, and desire."

Some people like it dirty, some like it clean. Some like it way clean, some like it squeaky clean. To each his own; but how do you do it? I spoke to several escorts and most rely on a moderate scrubbing down there (soap and finger). Others, myself included, want a guarantee that the client isn’t going to be surprised when it’s all over with messy sheets or worse. Usually a simple enema will do; you can buy a Fleets Enema or its equivalent for a little more than a dollar in any drugstore. They clean you out sufficiently for what you’ll need. If you’re concerned that they don’t work enough, you can try a douche or enema bag.

LeoBear, a fellow escort from San Francisco, came up with his own concoction for douching because of his disdain of using the city’s tap water which is probably loaded with a host of bacterial organisms. “A gallon of distilled water costs $.99, a pint of Epsom Salt costs $.79, a quart of mineral oil costs $4.79, “ he says, referring to the costs involved. "To think I used to pay $1.49 for each Fleet squeeze bottle and I was buying 20 a week at one time . . . necessity really is the mother of invention and I love pleasure!”

Having a good lube is really important because it reduces the friction of a cock rubbing inside of you. Since the butt has no natural lubrication system of its own, we gay guys resort to the bottled varieties. I personally use something called Eros, which the guy at Lambda Rising here in Washington, DC called the Cadillac of lubes. It’s awesome; but not everyone likes it.

Check your local shops and experiment with different lubes. Look for water-based lubes; oil-based lubes can destroy the latex in condoms. In the good old days there used to be something called Hot Lube which had a sort of spicy smell to it. This stuff lightly heated the butthole and made it (well, me anyway) open up immediately. Tthe problem is that it wasn’t water-based.

Tommy nailed me on my back with a pillow under my butt. Since then I’ve had the privilege of getting it doggy style, lying face down, lying on my side with my knees, splayed tummy down over a kitchen table, and standing in a bar. Finding out which way you like best helps. Also, which one excites you the most? Excitation can be extraordinarily helpful!

The Butt Beautiful

Keeping your butt saleable is important. How we do it is easy; just don’t age. For most of us, that’s not easy to do. As we get older, the butt, along with the rest of the body, begins to sag under the weight of gravity.

Escort Brandon Best stresses the importance of working out. “Exercising the entire body is very important for any escort or model. And if you're a bottomboy, working out from the waist down is paramount. I suggest heavy (and I mean heavy) squats – preferably hack squats, leg presses, leg curls, and any type of calf work. Do brief yet intense workouts. Go to failure and then beyond. "

He adds: “Anyone seriously interested in bodybuilding should check out the Heavy Duty workout of Mike Mentzer, former Mr. America. Working your lower body once a week in this fashion will keep your ass tight and full and give your legs that tapered and separated look.”

Alek, an escort working in San Francisco, adds that jogging is good for the butt. “As for keeping a pretty bottom I run 6 1/2 miles every morning which keeps my legs and ass in great shape.”

Being a bottom certainly has its advantages. For one thing, you don’t always have to be able to maintain an erection. If the client is inside you, pounding away to the high heavens, he’s usually fairly distracted by his own ecstasy. This is especially true when you get the client who wants to bang you over a table or spread eagle on a bed.

There are, of course, the romantic clients who like to cuddle and kiss while ramming you up the butt. And although they might prefer it if you’re hard, even they can be coaxed into delirium if you wiggle around and squeeze the bejesus out of their cocks with your muscular butt-cheeks. Of course, just being hard is only half the story. Whether you actually come or not is another story altogether. Many bottoms always have erections and always come when they’re being fucked. Others may have roaring hardons but don’t come.

Different escorts handle issues like these in different ways. Whether they’re successful at what they do, however, usually has more to do with their interpersonal skills, their marketing acumen, and their ability at riding the general ups and downs of the business of being self-employed.

Extras and Types

Some escorts, like Brandon Best, take the concept of bottoming a bit farther. His suggestion that “a quality bottom boy should be shaved from head to toe; that is, with just a nice little bush,” works well for him. “Everything but that little triangle should be totally shaved smooth,” he adds, and “Be sure to shave completely the entire asshole so that all the pink is clearly visible.”

The image I try to convey is that of an “All-American Guy” who likes bottoming and who wants to please men – especially bisexual and straight guys. Sometimes I emphasize my spiritual interests, which are holistic and new age in nature. Other bodyworkers, escorts, and massage therapists may offer role playing scenes (such as teacher and student, father and son, or coach and young athlete); offer kink (watersports, scat, etc.); or portray themselves as a certain “type” – such as a more mature guy, a bear, a transgendered person, etc.

The bottom line is that type, practice, service, or scene can be incorporated into the business.

Jim, an escort, says the secret to getting a repeat client is to please the daylights out of him. “I try to find out his favorite positions to fuck me and whatever other embellishments turn him on.” Jim continues by saying, “To be a good escort you must discover your clients' secret fetishes. Often they are ashamed to say. Pull it out of him. Then give it to him.” This, he says, will almost guarantee repeat business.

Most of the escorts I talked to love doing what they do – whether that’s TOPPING or BOTTOMING. They got into the business because they saw it as a way to do what they loved doing the most – usually pleasing men and/or having sex. Obviously a contributing factor – if not at first, later – becomes the money involved. Books, I’m sure, could be written about the money-for-sex mentality.

Evan Teed, of Vancouver, Canada, “I'm a 'versatile bottom'" -- I generally prefer to bottom 95% of the time and am very selective: I do this work because I love it, and I continue enjoying it because I only accept clients who I believe I can give great satisfaction to and at the same time enjoy the experience myself.”

Ten Rules of Anal Sex by Jack Morin (Author of Anal Pleasure and Health)

Lukas is an accomplished and aspiring writer/sexworker and has contributed a number of great articles to HOOK.