HOOK: E-zine By, For, and About Men in the Sex Industry

Believe it or not, my first experience with the sex industry was motivated by revenge not economics. The man I was seriously dating in 1994 was also involved with another man without my knowledge; he eventually chose him over me. I was angry and hurt by this betrayal and I wanted to find a way to make my ex realize that he had made a big mistake in slighting me. A kernel of information formed in my mind and quite ironically, I do have to thank Craig since he gave me the push I needed to discover a hidden part of my sexual self.

Rummaging through Craig's porn collection one afternoon, I came across a magazine called Bound and Gagged. I had never seen a gay bondage publication before and it piqued my interest. Most of the photographs were of individual men either naked or semi-nude bound by rope or occasionally by handcuffs or other restraints with their mouths sealed in a few shots with duct tape, ball gags, or socks. After jerking off to the pictures, I was about to put the magazine away when I saw a small advertisement for "Models Wanted" and I thought that it would be exciting to be a model, but I left it all in my fantasies.

After Craig and I had broken up, I felt very dejected. What was wrong with me that I could not make a relationship work? Would I meet men who would treat me the same way again? It was at this moment that an idea struck me: Why don't I show him what he missed out on? I went to my local adult bookstore and found a copy of Bound and Gagged and I was happy to learn they were still recruiting fresh faces. The ad asked for a picture (not necessarily a nude) and I assumed the response time would be a few weeks if Bound and Gagged was interested so I sent in my photo and contact information and hoped for the best.

I was informed a few weeks later that they were definitely interested in doing some test photos for the magazine. I was sent up with a York City's TriBeCa area and told to bring sufficient identification or I could not do the pictures. Preparing myself, I went to my appointment and I was surprised at how my nervousness diminished when I spoke with Stanley who would be doing the shooting in his loft. He told me he did pictures for adult magazines only to finance his own art. After talking with me for a bit, I slowly began to shed my clothes a little at a time and use various props such as rope, handcuffs, and a ladder. The session lasted about one and a half hours and I was gone. I did it and the proof would be in one of the magazines issues!

Part of the reason that this was important to me was that I never saw myself as attractive. Even though men would say you have beautiful eyes or you are very cute, I never truly felt beautiful. It opened a spiritual side to myself and I felt no embarrassment knowing my photos would be circulated around the world. When a friend of mine was in Amsterdam, he opened a copy of B+G there and saw my picture and remarked on how good I looked. This session made me feel whole again and that is why I believe that whatever branch of the industry you are in: escorting, porn, domination, internet sex shows, magazines, or telephone sex...there can be a multitude of benefits as well, and I am proof of that.